I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
