I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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