bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
