She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
