Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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