Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
