literally had 100 drinks last night.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
