are you so shy because you have an std?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
