Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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