A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Moan for me like Helen Keller
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
