i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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