Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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