Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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