ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
