the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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