The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
