oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize