my phone needs a breathalizer
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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