Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
