sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
