I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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