dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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