Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
