Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
