u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
