I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
