It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
