I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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