Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
