so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
