Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i believe in u and ur pee
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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