i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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