a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
