he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
