I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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