Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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