i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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