In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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