Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
