just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
