dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
