I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
