she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
