I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
