I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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