Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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