you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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