He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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