my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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