i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
