doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
