thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
