omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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