I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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