I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Too much gin, very little bucket
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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