there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
