Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
