I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
