I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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