I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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