Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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