a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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