eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
