dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
