i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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