Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
