When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
