if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
