Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
